Best of the West Family Blog

Triangular Theory of Love

2012-02-09T09:03:00.000-08:00

The triangular theory of love, as shown above, was developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg. There are three components of love, which can be mixed and put together in many ways to form the different types and stages within love. I have noticed that although we may strive to have the "complete" form of love, with all three components, our interpersonal relationships tend to go through different phases. For example, Joe and I started out with a Liking/Friendship stage, then companionate, and now, I think, all three components. However, sometimes, even through-out the day, our relationship ebbs and flows into the different types.

Homosexuality...

2012-02-05T22:10:00.000-08:00

My Findings and Advice

I have learned that many sensitive topics can only be solved through extensive research. In most cases I think to myself, the only way I can know is through study and prayer, rather than through the grapevine or what society might tell us. So here is my findings:

Through my research I have found two main points.
(1) Those who are gay or lesbian are not innately born with it. Having said that, through different events of life, they have experienced being misunderstood, being falsely and cruelly labeled or belittled, being molested or any type of sexualization, and otherwise have experienced any type of intimacy issues. Nurture not Nature.

(2)Although I view homosexuality as something derived from nurture, I also think their are still many who do not see that everyone is still a child of God. They are still people. The best thing we can do is love them and share with them the information we have learned. There were many experiences that other students shared within our class discussion expressing the lonely road some take in trying to find their identity.

In the end, I feel homosexuality and those feelings of same-sex attraction is something those who have those trials must overcome. Marriage and family is a sacred and spiritual bond, that God, Our own Heavenly Father, has established as an instinct for us to create our own family. They, just like everyone else, have tribulations; And, through Jesus Christ and His everlasting Atonement, there is always a way.

Recap:
Nurture not Nature
Love + Information = Best way to help
Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer

References

Bem, Daryl J. 1996. "Exotic Becomes Erotic: A Developmental Theory of Sexual Orientation."

Psychological Review Cornell University 103(2): 320-335.

Byrd, A. Dean. 2005. "Same-Sex Attraction: Science, Research and Therapy." The Counseling and
Career Center at Brigham Young University Seminar.

Byrd, A. Dean. 2004. "Born That Way? Facts and Fiction about Homosexuality." FAIR Conference

And, although I have not read Understanding Same-Sex Attraction, it comes highly recommended by the LDS church and my teacher, who is a marriage and family therapist.

Mapping Families

2012-01-28T10:34:00.000-08:00

This week in Family Relations we talked about Minuchin's simple use of family mapping and the successful structural family therapies that come from talking about family boundaries. The following descriptions were given by Brother Williams:

Salvador Minuchin was well-known for his practice of drawing “family maps” as a means of helping him to keep track of what he thought he observed in families. He used these simple diagrams as symbolic means of recording the degree and quality of interaction or connection between individuals, between family subsystems, and around the family—suggesting how the family as a whole interacted with other systems outside of the family.Boundaries are, of course, not real or tangible objects; they are constructs used to describe phenomena or things happen. They give social scientists--like you--vocabulary to discussing what you observe. Constructs like these help us to describe behavior, and to form hypotheses and test theories. One might, for example, wish to educate parents about the effects of having frequent, pleasant conversations with their children, regular family outings, and the effects they have upon those children as they become teens. The construct of boundaries might facilitate discussion and learning for those parents.While he did not coin the concept of family boundaries, Minuchin's mapping system is clear and simple--often used by social scientists to indicate and discuss boundaries between individuals and subsystems, and even how a whole family might relate with other systems. Rigid Boundaries (little exchange of information or warmth) were drawn with a simple solid line” ( ----- ) between the different parties or around a subsystem. (This simple diagram would suggest a husband and wife who are not very close: H|W). Rigid boundaries are also called closed or impermeable boundaries. Permeable or Clear Boundaries (an appropriate or healthy degree and quality exchange of information or warmth) were drawn with a dashed line (- - - - ). These might also be called reasonably- or appropriately-open boundaries. Poor or Diffuse Boundaries are indicated with a dotted line (. . . . .), suggesting that the boundaries are easily violated. These might also be called very open, overly-open, or unclear boundaries, as they fail to clearly define the boundaries between individuals or subsystems. Affiliation, or involvement between individuals or subsystems, is indicated by two parallel lines (====) that run from one party (individual or subset) to the other.Over involvement is indicated by three parallel lines, and indicates that there is too much exchange of information or behavior. Conflict is indicated by lines with an obvious break ( ---/ /--- ). Detouring refers to the behavior of relating or responding to others via another.

We discussed different family situations and the boundaries they might take on. For example, families that have migrated to the United States may change boundaries because of language barriers, two working parents, children learning a new culture, etc. We talked about different ethnicities, one and two parent homes, homosexual versus heterosexual homes, and cohabitating versus married homes.

There are great examples and further information on how to map families in the Sample Chapter Link below. HOW WOULD YOU MAP YOUR FAMILY? Here are two examples of family mapping (The first being a very simplified example of healthy boundaries; The second being a more complex, sometimes dysfunctional, family boundaries):

LINKS

Structural Family Therapy
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Structural_Family_Therapy

Sample Chapter of Family Therapy
http://www.ablongman.com/samplechapter/0205359051.pdf?vm=r

Good Therapy
goodtherapy.org

A Lesson on Theories ...

2012-01-21T09:18:00.000-08:00

... Applied to Family Life

SYSTEMS THEORY: In which a group works together as a whole, rather than in pieces. Each has a different role to fulfill and rules for the whole. There is positive and negative feedback (positive is where it increases the behavior and negative vice versa). Within a Systems Theory there is always a cause and response cycle because behavior affects each other. *Reciprocity Circular-Causality

EXCHANGE THEORY: This means cost and benefits. We are seeking to maximize what we want. It is usually a win-win situation. Example - Sister A shares her shirts with Sister B, so Sister B, in exchange, shares her skirts with Sister A.

CONFLICT THEORY: Conflict is inherent or essential to change and recognizing misunderstandings. Whenever something comes in opposition, due to some type of inequality, there is conflict. Example - "That's not fair!" Brothers and sisters fight about not sharing. Then a change occurs and because of the conflict, their mother teaches them how to share.

SYMBOLIC INTERACTION THEORY: Assigns meaning to the situation. *Definition of the Situation

This easily causes conflict because of the different meanings we get from words or actions. Example - You think you wife is rolling her eyes when she is really just trying not to cry. Although we have different meanings, we can usually solve the problem through open and understanding communication.

*Homeostatic Mechanism - regulates and balances behavior

PART 2: Why is FAMILY important?

2012-01-13T23:21:00.000-08:00

(Bottom Left) Grandma and Grandpa Gordon; (Bottom Right) Grandma Hall and Memaw; (Top Right) Phipps Family: Treven, Dad, Mom, Me, Dallin, Marcie; (Middle Top) Us kids :) ; (Middle Bottom) My newest fam. Me, Joe, Leah, Joe's Mom, Joe's Dad

SO...WHY IS FAMILY IMPORTANT TO YOU?

PART 1: Why is FAMILY important?

2012-01-13T22:47:00.000-08:00

I LOVE MY FAMILY! Sometimes I forget that I have lived with them my whole life and that they probably understand me more than anyone else. Sometimes I forget that I am blessed to have the family I do, because we get along so well and love each other so much. Sometimes I forget that families mean everything! In forgetting, sometimes I may not give my family as much credit as they deserve. So ... Here is to my family and how much they mean to me!

My family is important to me because they ...
Are LIFe-lonG friends
Make me feel SAFE to be myself
SuPPort me, no matTER the circumstances
Are FUN to be around
R-E-S-P-E-C-T me :)
Quote Brian Regan and Seinfeld and make me LAUGH
CARE about Me and OTHers
Help me with my HomeWORK
Are OPTimistic when I Am not
Like waTCHing mOVIEs with me
Make ME waNT to be BETTER

I love my family because they love me! :)

Saviors

2012-01-09T18:14:00.000-08:00

The definition of a Savior - someone who willingly takes upon them a burden that they did not create. Jesus Christ is the ultimate savior, but there are people who act as a savior. Families can have saviors!

Within the family there traditions, trends, bad habits that are carried down from one generation to another. This can be like a metaphorical river ... a TOXIC WASTE river. This river can be impatience, aggression, negativity, or addictions, to name a few.
And just like logs in a river, the path of least resistance is flowing with the current. HOWEVER, every once in a while, families are provided with those TRANSITIONAL FIGURES, who are SAVIORS. They block those bad habits, go against their family trends, and purify that water for their children. They are saviors for their families and transition many lives from their courageous act of willingly taking upon themselves burdens they did not commit and creating a better life.

Objectives for Family Relations

2012-01-09T17:19:00.000-08:00

1. How can I improve my relationship with my spouse and our families?

2. What principles and values are essential to have a successful family? (Successful meaning good communication, feelings shared, forgiving, respectful to one another, spending time with each other, etc.)

3. How can I help others relate better to their families?